Admitting I need help

Though I write a blog about finding #OneGoodThing daily, many days in these last few months I have wished I were dead. That’s a hard thing to admit. Despite taking a week of respite last month, I remain on the verge of a nervous breakdown. I’ve been hanging on by my fingernails for months. More accurately, I’ve been hanging on through my love of Benny and my commitment to finding #OneGoodThing each day, even if that one thing is a meme or a text from a friend. I want to thank each of you who have commented and followed in our journey all these years. I’m sorry I’m not always able to respond. I’m depressed and struggling to exist.

Yesterday I was finally able to admit the depth of this depressive episode to Kaiser. Their response was an appointment in 10 days and a recommendation to email my primary care doctor. I did. Thankfully she saw it and responded. I started a new medication tonight. I’m not saying I feel better already. But I feel better that I’m doing what I have to do to take care of myself.

Today’s #OneGoodThing with Mama is admitting I need help and getting it! What was your #OneGoodThing today? Please share in the comments! And remember, kindness is everything!

Day 46 of 365. And Now Totaling 2,603 Days In A Row. Here’s the first 366 and the following 365, as well as year threeyear fouryear fiveyear six, and year seven of #OneGoodThing Daily!

On this day…

8 replies

  1. The task you have taken on, with love, is so hard.

    I hope so much that the new medication with lighten the darkness that is holding you now.

    I attend a Current Affairs group, and one of the topics I had just suggested to them was “Who cares for the carers.” You’ll be on my mind when we talk about this.

    Love and hugs from Minx and me. xxx

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Hi dear Gabriana,
    I’m so glad you were able to reach out to get help. It’s a shame that feeling better doesn’t follow immediately after a step in a healthy direction but, having also struggled with very very dark feelings, I can understand that we need to acknowledge the positive (and brave) steps we take to preserve our own health. You already know (cerebrally) that you must be healthy to have the strength to help Mama It’s just much harder not to see the effort as a selfish or fruitless gesture. I’d like very much to be one of your cheerleaders during this difficult time. Please know I’m praying for your complete and immediate healing. You’re one exceedingly precious neshamah,lady! May this first step boost your soul’s journey to health and help it reach it’s proper place to blossom.💕

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Taking care of oneself is the hardest yet most important thing we can do. Self care unfortunately is something that is way too easy to push back because we’re the only ones really holding us accountable to what we’re doing for ourselves. I’m glad you took this important step and are sharing about it! It is so tough. Sending you strength.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Many thoughts of suicide have haunted me since my beloved husband, Joe, died last June. One creature depends on me: my kitty, Spike. (His sister died in our home a month ago…another big OUCH) Spike keeps me alive.

    Jude depends on you. Stay alive for her.

    Also, (a motto of one of my friends), “Go outside.” The sun is always shining.

    Liked by 2 people


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